Have You Ever Hidden A Large Purchase From Spouse/Significant Other?

In a recent thread entitled Relevant Philatelic Humor, there was a cartoon of a wife standing in a doorway observing the husband folding laundry, and she's saying "last night dishes, today laundry....how many stamps did you buy?" I suppose the implication is that he's spent a lot and is feeling guilty, and it got me to wondering if anyone on this forum has ever spent such a large amount on a stamp purchase they've hidden or tried to hide it from their spouse or significant other. I have a relatively conservative spending amount I allow myself. About 5 years ago I started collecting a quite modest pension which accrued from a job I had 20 years ago, so it amounts to little more than I normally spend on gasoline every month, and that's about my average monthly expenditure on stamps. However I did spend quite a lot a couple of years ago on one particular stamp I needed for my British collection. I won't say which stamp or how much it was, but suffice it to say that I didn't particularly want my wife to know how much it was (although, realistically it probably wasn't much more than she spends annually on getting her hair done) It nearly turned around to bite me on the backside, however. It was sent by recorded delivery, and because no one was home on the day it was delivered, the mailman left one of those little notes telling you that you can have it redelivered, or you can pick it up at the post office. I chose the latter, and decided to pick it up the next day after work. Just before I left work,my wife called me and asked me to meet her at Costco for some shopping.I was very excited to go pick up the stamp, but at the same time I couldn't very well tell her I'd be late because I had a very expensive package to pick up. Fortunately the post office isn't too far out of the way, and there wasn't a long line, so I got my stamp and headed for Costco. I explained my (few minutes) lateness by saying I'd run into a bit of traffic (well of course I had,I live in a big city and there's always traffic!) But now I had a dilemma, if I left the package in the car I ran the risk of someone breaking into it, but if I took it in the store with me, I ran the risk of my wife seeing it or at least of it getting bent if I put it in my pocket. I hit on what I think was the perfect solution, I took the stamp, still in a mount out of its packaging, and slipped it inside the case surrounding my cell phone, and of course there it would be perfectly protected, and my wife still doesn't know what I spent on that stamp!

While I have never tried to hide an outright purchase, I have occasionally bid on stamps at auction and then used the somewhat specious logic that, since I would usually be outbid, I need not make my wife aware of the potential unbudgeted purchases. On three or four occasions I actually found myself winning auctions that cost me around $750 to $3000. Each time I made her aware of my "surprise" purchase ... after the fact, of course. She always forgave me my penchant for stamps, probably in part because the sizeable purchases were infrequent. Of course, it also gave her an excuse to indulge her own hobbies. But, unlike her husband, she asked before committing herself to a large purchase ... of which there was only one.

Just over two weeks ago, my wife and I celebrated being married 38 years. Yes it is only 38 years and probably too soon to say how it is working out but I am an optimist.
When we got married and I was working on a wants list or buying new issues, it was in the context that I have never smoked a cigarette or had a beer so I always justified purchases on the basis that they cost the same as a pack of cigarettes, a beer or a candy bar.
In 2001, I gave up collecting and did not resume until 2012. The Post Office was issuing too many stamps and I could not justify spending money on the same as a pair of kids shoes, a dinner with my wife. If it hurts other family members, I wont do it.
After I retired I returned to collecting and a very gradual approach (now finished) of catching up on the new issues mint and used 2001-2012. I second pension helped. So did my wife retiring on a pension and our sons being adults and married.
So I actually as a retiree have more disposable income than I had when I was working.
While "hiding" small purchases from spouses (husband or wife) is part of the fun of marriage, it is wrong to hide anything big.
Only once did I have an issue. I needed to spend big (the cost of a week in Spain or Portugal etc). I was offered a stamp at a (for it) "reasonable price". And I told my wife. And she said go ahead and I did.
No recrimination. Just a loving wife doing what she has always done. She would not even realise how special it was for me.
The point is that after 38 years, husband and wife (and all other orientations) get totally comfortable with each other.

I would not have been paying attention for 38 years if I had a problem.
Surely all of us have been in a position where we have to say
"some of my friends are going to Glasgow next week to see Celtic and they have invited me to go.......Id love to go but it costs too much"
and your wife says
"Go to Glasgow. I am not having their wives thinking I wouldnt let you go"

There is ALWAYS a way.

no I never do. even the larger ones I tell straight out.

i never go really crazy, and she is fine with that, but this month was kinda crazy with little over 10K, same as JLLebbert, didn't expect to win this many lots, she is great and didn't say anything, but she did give me the "LOOK" you probably know the "LOOK"

guess January will be a slow month for me...and I probably sell of some items in Jan to ease things a bit ;-)

I do not look at it as "hiding" as much as I do "failing to bring attention to".

One thing that has helped a great deal is demonstrating that stamps can be liquid and after a large sale or two she saw that the sword sliced both ways.

We have been married 40 years and my hubby is very supportive of my philatelic purchases. Of course his hobbies include keeping a 1968 EType Jaguar on the road so who is he to complain

Dianne

All the time.

Yes, "failing to bring attention to." And the care and feeding of a 1968 E Type Jaguar (beautiful car!) could be the equivalent of an awesome collection!

I recently spent quite quite a bit at the last Rasdale Auction for several lots, about 13 cartons of material. Of course, I couldn't hide the purchase - I just didn't tell her how much I spent. I did tell her that anything I didn't need would be sold on ebay.

As an adult I concealed from my Dad that I had bought, the 5 volume SG Stamps of the world. I got it cheap because it was the previous years, but I knew he would object to me deviating from the straight and narrow of GB postage stamps. Previously when my Mum was alive my Dad and I smuggled nearly every model railway item into the house, most items were only a pound or two, but my Mum always queried why we needed so much.

Not as far as she knows.....

have not and never will.

My wife/best friend of 45 years have always been as transparent as is humanly possible... no stamp or philatelic purchase is worth impacting that. If she or I want something bad enough to do a 'lie of omission' than each of us is more than willing to make sacrifices to get it for each other; so there is no need for BSing each other.
Don

Never have. Never will. That is one slippery slope I won't even go near.

We've been married 48+ years. When we married, we agreed that either one could spend up to X dollars without needing agreement (not just advance notice, but full-on agreement) from the other. The value of X has increased over the decades as our financial situation improved, but it is still in operation. It covers any and all expenses - not just stamps.

When I go into an auction (or other source) where I even suspect I may need to exceed the current X, I always ask her first.

She actually conspired with our financial advisor to convince me that I should go ahead and buy the MNH Zeppelin plate blocks I had been drooling over for four years but for which I could not bring myself to give serious consideration to spending that kind of money.



ADDENDUM: When I retired, she insisted that I needed a hobby, so I returned to my childhood philatelic efforts. Sooooo....it is all her fault that I spend what I do on little pieces of colored paper!

My wife and I are on open terms about our hobbies. She has three horses, so she easily spends more than I do each year on the vet bills, the horseshoes, and the endless bags of Purina horse food. I tell her she cannot get any of that money back, but my stamp collection will still be worth something to somebody when I'm gone. She understands.

I have also impressed her with my stamp knowledge, which helps. I went to a small Iowa town estate auction, where a man had lived in a small white house. They closed the street at both ends of the block and auctioned off everything out in the street on tables stretching the entire block. I came home with a heavy arm load of covers and albums, and my wife asked me how much I paid for all those old "envelopes." I said "$175 total, but I also have over $250 in face postage we can always use on mail." (trying to make it sound better, it included an old plate block collection) A couple months later, my wife watched me sell just one "envelope" from the thousand covers I had brought home that day for $150 cash. She was impressed! Now every time I go to a show, she always tells me to take along some more stuff to sell.

Linus

I once hid a purchase from my then (now ex) wife as she hated my stamp collecting habit. The relationship was going down in flames and I knew it was just a matter of time until it was over. I rented a post office box for a single stamp purchase, a significant plate number coil collection, so my wife wouldn't know what I spent on it. I spent a good deal of money on the collection, had it shipped to the PO box, and never let her know about it. I was pleasantly surprised to find a single strip of 5 coil stamps valued at $2000 in the collection that the seller hadn't realized was in it. It was like Christmas in July twice in a row.

My current (second) wife is incredibly supportive of my collecting stamps and has purchased stamps for me as gifts over the years. We celebrated our 4th anniversary a few months ago and she is well aware of everything I buy. It helps that I don't have any other hobbies and devote all of my copious free time to stamps. She tells me that she doesn't understand the whole stamp collecting thing, but she still encourages me to buy anyway. Earlier this year I bid my maximum on a collection of precancels and plate number coil first day covers at auction and when it looked like I wasn't going to win, she bid over-the-top behind my back to win the auction. She also buy stamps and supplies for me...4 or 5 Lighthouse Grande binders every year for Christmas, a MNH $1 Columbian for Valentine's Day, a MNH 65¢ Zeppelin for Christmas last year, an imperf pair of the 37¢ U.S. Flag stamp for another Christmas gift. My inlaws (her mother, brother, and sister) give me gift cards every birthday and Christmas so that I can buy stamps with them. Who could ask for more?