When Should I Give Up?

I agree with Hal, patience is required. I certainly am part of the white haired generation and have lots of patience, but get frustrated when I have an unreasonable buyer demanding a refund even when you point him to the HipStamp forum where suggestions are made that 8 weeks for any shipment going across a border can now be expected. He just didn't believe it and kept getting more forceful. A pity if I have to start selling only domestically, but I can't keep handing out refunds to impatient buyers.

Patience, perhaps, but also know the exact limits or expiration of your refund and credit card chargeback rights, and don't wait beyond them. On the facts stated in the OP, I would pursue a refund. If the item turns up, you can always pay then.

Funny coincidence but just received a message a few minutes ago that a first class mailed letter shipment arrived at a customer today in NY. Postmarked April 2 from the Oakland Calif sorting center. Arrived today May 8th. This customer was very cool about it all and has dealt with the same issues himself, unlike so many others.

36 days.....second first class mailing to take over a month from here.

At this point I just figure it is what it is and roll with it till things get better (hopefully).

I had a shipment to NY take several weeks and I have a customer in WI complaining about non-receipt of something I mailed on Ap 24.

The delays are due in large part to a lack of available commercial airplanes for transport, some key mail hubs in cities such as NYC and Chicago operating with less staffing and reduced USPS Contract Carrier capacity.

The lack of commercial air assets are the big one since many items that would normally "touch" few processing points are now moving by truck. In turn the truckers are having more difficulty transporting in some States because of lack of access to rest areas (food, showers, mandated rest, fuel).

Here's the timeline of one of my recent ebay purchases from a seller within the U.S. I think I was sufficiently patient, given the seller's unwillingness to communicate.

3/29 Paid for item.
4/07 Estimated delivery.
4/15 Asked seller for a status update.
4/21 After waiting six days for a response, requested a refund from seller.
4/27 After waiting another six days for a response, requested and got a refund from ebay.
5/08 If the item was ever sent, it still hasn't arrived.

The transit time for my domestic ebay purchases during the past two months has generally been about a week. Something I bought in mid-April from a seller in NH made it to CA in four days. I even got something from the U.K. in only ten days.

Thanks everyone for varied and interesting input. Though I am tempted to think that the problem is indeed Covidian, I do have to safeguard my refund rights by not delaying any longer, and in any case the dealer has a bit of a reputation for, shall we say, insouciance. So I'll happily pay them if the item reappears from some USPS black hole, meanwhile the refund wheels have been set in motion.

I sell used books on Amazon.

I've had orders, including orders from overseas, delayed by weeks and weeks and then suddenly they arrive. Twice arrive three or four weeks, I informed a seller my order still had not arrived -- and the order arrived the very next day. I once waited more than six weeks for an order to arrive from Pakistan, thinking that surely it must never have been sent or that it must be stolen. It finally arrived weeks late. So wait longer than you think you should wait. That would be my advice

Under the current circumstances, mail is not traveling very fast. That just adds to the problem.

After a reasonable amount of time (to me that's a few weeks), I'd register a concern with the seller. Of course, always do that tactfully, a "thought you should know" kind of comment. That way you're on record as not having received the item. It's probably best to wait another week or 10 days after that before requesting a refund. I ordered a book from the UK recently, waited a month for it to arrive, then contacted the seller who asked me to wait another week or so, then when it hadn't arrived even after two more weeks, they refunded my money. Who knows where this stuff goes to? The bottom of the Atlantic Ocean?

Be patient. Contact the seller. Then wait more before you ask for a refund. Most things I've ordered arrive eventually, perhaps 98-99% of what I buy on ebay, in fact. And I buy a lot. So for me, a lost shipment is really rare.

as a seller on ebay I agree with DrewM. I prefer to receive an email from my customer that he/she has not received the shipment. It gives my the oppertunity to check the actual shipping time and then either give a refund right away or ask for some extra time.

This is an extremely disappointing situation in that ebay has essentially not adequately (at least not from what I've seen - maybe it's changed recently?) handled COVID19. As a buyer, you have to file within your window in order to be protected. As a seller, once this claim is filed, you have a very small window of time to essentially issue a refund. I had a buyer very recently claim the item wasn't received. Once that process starts, even when the buyer agreed to wait longer - ebay didn't. So I refunded. Thankfully I had a very honest buyer and the item just arrived - he has agreed to reissue payment. Even with a warning on my listings that deliveries may be delayed, especially international, it doesn't actually really do any good. The one with the power here is ebay. All they really have to do is extend things - one month domestic, 2 months international for example, and then warn buyers that shipments may simply be delayed. It is what it is. It is no fault of anyone what is going on right now but as usual practice for ebay, the sellers are always the ones being penalized.

I am the OP'er and have to report that the dealer refunded my $44 very promptly on my asking for it. This was on the 28th day after he had said the item was shipped (the 35th day after I paid for it). I will be more than happy to reimburse him if the item shows up after all.

Are his selling fees reimbursed to him by e-bay in a case like this? If not I will cover those as well, should the fault prove to be not his in any way.

As long as the process was done correctly via a claim through ebay then yes, the fees should be reversed (except PayPal - I'm not entirely sure for that - for some reason my memory recalls they keep some or all of it).

Hopefully your item arrives but that's nice of you as a buyer to do that should it arrive.