Greeks bearing gifts
MICHELE PHILLIPS
The West Australian 2006
From what I can gather, it all started with the ancient Greeks, who
celebrated an annual holiday in honour of Rhea, the mother of all the
gods.
And seeing as it's that time of year again, it seems only fitting that we
reflect on those early Mother's Days and remember the woman who
can lay claim to the title The Mother of All Mothers.
Unfortunately, there's no lasting record of whether Rhea appreciated
the Mother's Day celebrations put on by the ancient Greeks, just as
there's often no evidence of our modern-day reactions apart from
occasional feelings of depression brought about by something in
polyester that's destined for the Good Sammy's.
But seeing as Rhea's day-to-day life up in the heavens wasn't what
you'd call a barrel of laughs, I should imagine the ancient Greeks'
Mother's Day celebrations at least provided a pleasant diversion for
her.
You see, there weren't many blokes around at the Dawn of Time and
Rhea had had to bite the bullet and marry her brother, Cronus, a nasty
piece of work if ever there was one.
I'm sure there must have been the occasional tender moment in
Cronus and Rhea's marriage - an early morning cuppa in bed,
perhaps, or regular sharing of the remote - but,
unfortunately, I could find no record of it I can tell you this though:
Cronus had castrated his own dad in his attempt to become King of
the Gods and, once he was on the throne with Queen Rhea by his
side, he thought it would also be a good idea to eat his own kids, just
to be on the safe side.
I know there'll be many of you who'll be shocked by these revelations
but I must admit I can see Cronus' reasoning here.
I mean, you never know when your kids are going to borrow the car
and wreck it, or drink all your booze, or decide to overthrow you
because you're a total
or something.
Eating them would certainly circumvent any such problems.
Understandably though, mother Rhea couldn't see this point of view
and was very upset at the thought of her husband eating their babies.
Unfortunately, she wasn't very quick on her feet and, as a result
Cronus was able to chow down on Demeter, Hades, Hera, Hestia and
Poseidon as soon as they were born.
Luckily, by the time Rhea was ready to give birth to Zeus, she had
formulated a plan of action.
OK, she was a bit slow. Some may even say retarded.
I mean, we're talking five ingested
babies before she finally got her act together. But, whatever, we're
not here to make value judgments.
What's important for the future of motherhood is that Rhea
eventually put her thinking cap on and realised she could hide baby
Zeus somewhere.
So she hid him in a cave and then handed Cronus a rock wrapped in
swaddling clothes, which he promptly swallowed, thinking it was his
son (yep, Cronus wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer either).
Ha, ha, ha, you're probably thinking at this point. Serves him right,
swallowing a rock, hope he'd run out of Quik-eze. Well, Cronus had
certainly run out of something and that something was luck.
Because when Zeus grew up he was more than a little peeved, as you
are when your dad's eaten five-sevenths of your family.
In fact, Zeus was so peeved, he overthrew Cronus and made him
disgorge all five siblings (plus the rock for good measure) and then
imprisoned him in the depths of the underworld.
Rhea, the world's original good mum, presumably lived happily ever
after and once a year looked down on all the ancient Greeks who
celebrated her holiday with orgiastic rites.
Now, I can't see the orgiastic rites thing happening to any of us mums
tomorrow - more likely a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates -
but whatever you're doing and wherever you are, please spare a
thought for our Greek goddess, Rhea.
For a start, if it wasn't for her, you wouldn't be getting that lovely
polyester nightie.
Posted 11/15/2019 6:14 pm
